I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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