Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can I color on your dick again?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
