woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
