Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
