Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
