It's like God shit irony all over that family
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize