I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
