And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize