Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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