Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
