Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
