So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
