I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
These tits shall not be calmed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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