definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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