so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
