Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
