wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
