Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
honey bunches of taint.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
