I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
