You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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