mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize