apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
