Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
