I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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