I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
