spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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