Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
