My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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