Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
