Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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