I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize