when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
