i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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