you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
