What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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