I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
