my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
