Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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