i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
