Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
