i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
