i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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