I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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