Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
