You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
