hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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