White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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