I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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