When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
