Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
