He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
