My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize