I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
