She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
