new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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