Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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