My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
