How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
