I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
