Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
