Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
