I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Never joke about your clitoris.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize