apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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