sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
