Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
