I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
