amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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