Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
