So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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