She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
