Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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