she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
