I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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