but the lizard people decide everything anyway
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
