I checked into jail on foursquare
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
