Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
