we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
