instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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