dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
