C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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