His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
