what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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