I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and she was petting her beer can
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
