Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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