he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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