I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's get the cat blown out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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