Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
