Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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