Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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