K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
