Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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