Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
