Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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