Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
