and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sarcasm needs its own font
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
