Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
