maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
