He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
