Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
where are my eyebrows?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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